go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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