rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
