Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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