I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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