then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
