This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
