That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
