new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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