im drinking this country out of the recession.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
