Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
