Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
