You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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