I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
