to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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