You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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