I'm jealous of your bromance
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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