Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
