Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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