she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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