The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
