We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
