You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
