I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
