I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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