Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
This house was built for laser tag.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
