you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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