Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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