Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
