so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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