i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
