So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
