I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
