I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
