The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
