the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
