Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
