I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
