mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
