Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
