Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
