I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
