I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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