So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
