how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
