Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
