So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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