i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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