Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
