I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
