So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
